I am weak of will…(or Damn you, Men’s Wearhouse!)

I’ve been spending a lot of time with some of my single girlfriends lately. Actually it’s just the one single girlfriend really, because everyone else I know is married…or about to be…or lives too far away to hang out with on a regular basis. In any event, my lone single girlfriend and I have been going out to a lot of bars lately in an attempt to meet men.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with this tactic. I think it’s pretty much the norm for young, single city dwellers. But I still kind of hate it.

I hate it for the same reason I hate the idea of meeting someone online – it just makes for such a terrible story. I’m a storyteller. There’s nothing I love better than a good story.

I want to meet someone in an awesome way, doing something I would naturally be doing anyway, like finding a hot guy’s lost dog, or meeting an amazing man halfway across the world only to discover that we live on the same block back home, or locking eyes with the arresting officer over the prone body of a mugger/rapist after I single-handedly brought him down for trying to attack an old lady….

That, and I’d prefer to meet a man for whom drinking is not a competitive sport. Which seems unlikely in a bar.

Last night single girlfriend (SG) and I went out to several bars near her apartment since her neighborhood is much more fashionable than mine. It was not our most successful evening, but we still had a great time. I love hanging with SG. And since we’re both single at the same time (a first for us) we get to spend a lot more time together.

Still, when I got home I couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed. And kind of gross. The meat market aspect of the bar scene is really not my thing. So when I got back to my apartment, put on my pjs and settled in for some quality time in front of the tv, I was feeling a bit…raw. And I fell prey to one of the greatest advertisements I’ve ever seen.

It’s not new. This commercial has been airing for years – and for good reason.

There I was, splayed across my couch, watching The New Normal (which is a great show that I’ve only just discovered – I’m in love with Ellen Barkin) and I got totally blind-sided by a Men’s Wearhouse ad.

You know the one I’m talking about. It’s the one where the bride is walking down the aisle, the camera pans to the groom looking spiffy in his tux and the voice over says, ‘On your wedding day, when everyone is looking at her, she’ll be looking at you…’

Gets me every time.

So, in a moment of weakness, I reactivated my OKCupid dating profile.

*Hangs head in shame*

I’m not fucking around this time either. I usually try to downplay the whole opera singer/actor thing by not using any of my professional photos in my profile. Not this time. I’m going all out. This is my main photo:

Sarah C 200_compressed

I’ve also dropped my ‘no phone numbers until after we’ve met in person rule.’ I’m not interested in a long, drawn-out email correspondence with some dude I may not even like. My new tactic is to meet for lunch or coffee or a drink (anything with a definite end time) right away and decide if I want to spend time actually getting to know him later.

I’ve received several excellent emails already. Here’s a brief sampling… [Note: these are not quotes from emails. I’ve copied the entire message.]

“Hi ;-)”

“question” (That was it. Really handsome guy, but I’m sorry, if you’re seriously not familiar with how email works, then I have no room for you in my life.)

“Want.”

“Into dominant guys by any chance?”

There were some nice emails too…or at least emails that contained more than one sentence. I’ve only responded to one of them. It was from a tall, strapping Irish cop. (What can I say? I’m a walking stereotype.) We’ll see how it goes.

If nothing else, I’m sure I’ll have a slew of new and hilarious debacles to report.

Damn you, Men’s Wearhouse!

5 thoughts on “I am weak of will…(or Damn you, Men’s Wearhouse!)

  1. If it wouldn’t take me reactivating MY OKC profile, I would happily cut and paste my favorite message for you, one that I have gleefully read aloud at many a party. It’s a 4 paragraph long missive that starts off stating this this (very attractive) gentleman only frequently visits Austin so this would be strictly “FWB” but then goes on to describe, in great detail his sexual prowess. Specifically when, um, orally pleasuring a female. And I mean in GREAT detail. He then finishes this beautiful message to explain that he does NOT need to be tied down by gender roles. You know, if I’m into that.
    Happy looking! 😉

  2. Hilarious. I met doug in a bar. And I ask him if we can lie and say we met some interesting way and I make up a different story every time because”we met in a bar because he was in a band with my friend” makes me sound like a groupie.
    Also I am so jealous. I have always wanted to online date. Always. I live vicariously through your posts. 🙂

  3. I have a cute dog. His name is Fraiser. You’ve met him. He liked you. I liked you. Damn that I’m too old!

  4. Aw. You’re awesome and completely fascinating, intelligent and beautiful. Guys are crazy for not knocking down your door. Then again, actual crazy people do occasionally knock down doors to get to fascinating, intelligent, beautiful ladies. This is a terrible pep-talk.

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