OKC Chronicles # 2: Backdraft

Sounds like the punch line to a fart joke, right?  If only wishing made it so…  Backdraft (name has been changed to protect the ridiculous) is actually one of the first of the OKCupid guys that I agreed to meet in person.  I knew it was a mistake going in, but chalk this one up to morbid curiosity…

My acquaintance with Backdraft started off innocently enough with some casual email correspondence. He surreptitiously ended each of his emails with his phone number.  I did not reciprocate.  After three or four attempts to get me to send him my personal contact info, I finally explained to him my ‘no personal info until after we’ve met in person and I can be sure that you’re not a stalker or an ax murderer’ rule.  He was not pleased.  I tried to explain that I’d had a few unfortunate experiences with internet dating and I assured him that I could communicate just as easily via email as I could via text.

Still he persisted.  I had already agreed to meet him the following day, but he kept going on and on about how he was travelling for business and would be flying in from D.C. that morning and he couldn’t download the OKCupid app on his work Blackberry and he promised he was normal and it would be so much easier if he could just text me blah blah blah.  So I relented.  I sent him my number. Fifteen seconds later I got this:

For someone who agreed that it’s better to get to know someone in person, he sure had a funny way of showing it.  Over the course of the next hour he sent me a total 170 text messages.  Here are a few of my favorites…

And…

I suppose that should have tipped me off that this guy was a douche, but being the stubborn, glutton for punishment that I am, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.  We had a few minutes of normal conversation about work and other mundane topics, then came the demands for more photos…

First of all, I did NOT use my head shots for my OKC profile.  Sure, I used nice photos taken with a good camera by someone who knows their way around photoshop…but they’re not head shots.  I mean, this is one of the pics from my profile…

Secondly, is it really necessary to end every sentence with ‘ha?’  Because I’ve got news for you buddy, you’re not funny.  Not even a little bit.  But since I decided to be a good sport, I didn’t call him on it. Instead, I complied with his request and sent him this entirely candid photo…

Apparently he was not satisfied with my offering.

The other thing that was irritating about this guy was the way he went from one topic of conversation to another with lightning speed and didn’t seem to care whether or not I answered any of his questions.  Which is way lame.  Because I was still new to the dating thing, I was fairly oblivious to this guy’s flagrant ass-hattery.  I didn’t even pick up on the not-so-subtle double entendre when asking about ‘physical activities.’

Thick as I am at times, even I could figure out his intentions when he sent me this…

This was the point when I officially relegated Backdraft to realm of blog fodder.  Though I refused point blank to send him compromising photos of any kind, I still played along and answered almost all of his probing (and often sexually explicit) questions, like…

Not sure what half of those responses were in reference to.  He definitely started to get a little schizophrenic on me towards the end there.  Then this happened…

Are you fucking kidding me?  Here’s a close-up of that one for you…

[If this doesn’t increase my site traffic, I don’t know what will.]

No sane individual would agree to meet with this person, right?  Lucky for you, I must have been experiencing a bout of insanity at the time because despite the fact that he is clearly a psychopath, I met with him anyway.  (I know, mom…I know.)

The date was pretty anti-climactic – on every level.  Originally, I wrote out of play-by-play of the date but it was really boring to write so I can’t imagine why anyone would want to read it.  The punch line: Backdraft was an asshole.  I wasted an hour of my life with a dude who kept up a steady stream of nonsensical bullshit stories that culminated in an epic tale about how he almost starred in the movie Backdraft.  But didn’t.

Apparently that’s what I get for responding to the first reasonably attractive, age-appropriate, gainfully employed man on OkCupid in NYC.  Lesson learned.

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Not gonna lie, I’m a little disappointed with how this post turned out.  It’s not really funny.  It’s mostly just weird and kind of sad.  Because I’d hate for my readers (all three of you) to have to walk away empty-handed, here is a totally unrelated and mildly offensive meme I made about Rosa Parks and the New York MTA:

So there you go.

Good night everybody!

10 thoughts on “OKC Chronicles # 2: Backdraft

  1. Ah, yes. This takes me back. I went out with approximately 20 of the same guy over and over and over until I met Kenny. Just for the record, he never once, and still hasn’t, asked me for a nudey picture. 🙂

  2. Hey there! I keep forgetting to look at my blog roll. Glad I did. Moral support. I’m about to go to a “mingling” event. The same woman who organizes our local speed-dating events is throwing this shindig. I wonder if, once again, she will get every single guy from the same I.T. company to come “mingle.” Yeah, that makes for great conversation when you have the same one with 12 guys. Internet or IRL, there is just a shortage of interesting fellows … Anyway, enough about me. Now, let’s talk about Mumbai Escorts. Wha…???

    • Haha…I hope you blog about your experience! As for the Mumbai escorts…I’m pretty sure that comment is spam. *pretty sure* That’s what I get or posting a picture of scantily clad hookers in my Vegas post… C’est la vie!

  3. Pingback: OKC Chronicles # 4: Opera Fan | Frivolity On The Edge

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